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2009-05-10T18:17:00.003-04:00

hello internet,
tumblr took over my life and i neglected blogspot. sorry, these things happen. everything is okay with me. i go back home on thursday and i'm done with school after i write this last paper (due tomorrow). of course, i haven't started it and probably wont for another 2 hours. a lot happened in 2 months and i feel like a different person now, because of it. lazy bloomington summer. i can't wait. pitchfork will be great, too.

2009-03-06T01:58:00.002-05:00

my head hurts. i should sleep. have to wake up early tomorrow. it's nice getting back into the swing of things after being so sickly earlier this week. going to the MoMA tomorrow for class. haven't been to that class for 2 weeks. i need to shoot more. i am going to shoot more. instead of just saying that. my mother told me to take pictures of people's ears. she is so sweet, really. minae, kelsey and karina are coming up for spring break in a week. i am no good at entertaining people. i don't do exciting things everyday and that's okay with me. although, somedays i wish i did. somedays i wish i just ran around town doing crazy shit because i'm young and i can get away with it. sometimes i don't feel so young anymore. i like having things to look forward to. it's no fun if you're not excited about anything. that's actually the worst feeling in the world. feeling totally indifferent towards everything. but then i guess you don't get disappointed that way. i'm not sure what i am trying to say. no one reads these things. it's all just the contents of my brain spilling all over the internet. that's fine.

2009-02-16T15:04:00.000-05:00

why do i feel completely alienated from everyone i know, these days?

2009-02-05T22:59:00.004-05:00

no job yet, feeling bitter, totally broke, dean took me out for indian food (birthday gift), i got a record player for my birthday, bought a whirlwind heat record yesterday, it's too damn cold outside, more and more self portraits, love my children's movie class, i'm actually doing all of my readings, haven't skipped class once, i miss my family and bloomington folk dearly, need to write letters, need to make mixes, taking baths everyday (multiple times a day), still addicted to tumblr, have i covered everything?

2009-01-31T22:17:00.001-05:00

i kind of just want to scream into a pillow right now
i think i'll go watch mtv and chain smoke instead,

2009-01-30T00:04:00.002-05:00

-more environmental portraits

-i need inspiration

-job hunting 24/7

-can't stop listening to lil' wayne

-sex, gender and the bible class is only about the bible :[

-record player soon?

-birthday party tomorrow

-everyone should be comfortable in their own skin

2009-01-28T15:50:00.004-05:00

today i am 20 years old.

what have i been doing with my life?

2009-01-27T00:45:00.004-05:00

talking through pictures is easier,

2009-01-23T01:34:00.004-05:00

man, tumblr kixxx so much ass

this photo is not relevant to anything

well, neither is this post (i guess)

2009-01-17T16:11:00.015-05:00

tomorrow i go back to new york after being in bloomington for a month. winter break went too quickly. i'm half ready to go back, half not ready. it'd be nice if i could just sit in my living room for a week watching frasier re-runs and eat cheetos. i'm ready to see my roommates and give everyone big hugs. i'm even ready to go to classes again. i think i have about $40 in my bank account and i have no job to come back to. everything will be fine fine fine fine fine fine fine....

2009-01-14T11:12:00.007-05:00

warm and fuzzy, warm and fuzzy

2009-01-13T18:48:00.003-05:00

look what i went and dog gone did pt. 2

2009-01-13T11:40:00.017-05:00

adventures in dinosaur world
cave city, KY

2009-01-12T13:25:00.000-05:00

look what i went and dog gone did!

it's okay, i'm still using this blog baby more.

2009-01-11T22:41:00.009-05:00

hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey

hello hello hello hello hello hello hello hello

2009-01-10T11:53:00.003-05:00

these days, i get so sad thinking about all of my long lost friends on the east coast.

2009-01-07T17:27:00.003-05:00

it feels like the whole world is going on without me today.

2009-01-05T07:37:00.003-05:00

karina's hands, 2006

oh man oh man oh man
what a good break this has been
got back from chicago a few days ago
now i am going south somewhere on an impulsive road trip
life is grand, i never want to leave
oh yeah and esther is coming to indiana!
this is going to be the best, simply the best

2008-12-29T17:33:00.003-05:00

(todd with foster kitten in my room, 2006)

i am broke and i am leaving for chicago tomorrow with karina. i asked my job to send me my paycheck in the same email where i told them i wouldn't be coming back to work until january 18. i'm totally getting fired, oh well.

2008-12-27T22:38:00.004-05:00

i've never been really self conscious about this before, but in recent years it has been pointed out that i talk out of the side of my mouth. i always sort of knew i did that, but didn't really see it as a problem (probably cause i don't actually watch myself talk). but the more and more i think about it, the more i think something is wrong with me.

2008-12-25T20:36:00.001-05:00

2008-12-25T02:22:00.003-05:00

i want to write a letter to everyone i know telling them how i feel. my problem is that i'm hung up on far too many insignificant things. i'm indecisive. i don't let things go. i pretend feelings that aren't there still exist. what am i supposed to do? everyone tells me i'm better off now. without him, living in new york. i think everyone just thinks my life is glamorous or something. maybe they're right, maybe it would be wrong for me to move backwards. maybe all i really want is for an attractive man to wrap me in tin foil in his car. i think that's the answer to my problems.

2008-12-24T13:37:00.001-05:00

i'm not like that.

2008-12-23T14:58:00.004-05:00

so i'm 75% positive i'm taking a leave of absence from nyu and coming to live in bloomington fall '09 for a semester.

2008-12-22T03:50:00.002-05:00

i can't sleep. my thoughts are taking over my brain.

life is hard, man.

2008-12-20T18:43:00.014-05:00

there's no place like home

2008-12-17T19:20:00.008-05:00

photos from christmas party (on monday)
i took my last final this morning at 8am
tomorrow my flight for indiana leaves at 9am
i'm ready to get out of here for a while

2008-12-14T00:18:00.006-05:00

last night i went to alexa's birthday dinner at this awesome chinese restaurant and jackie chan was apparently in the other room. we sang "libyan on a jet plane" thinking it was engrish and not some parody.

after that, a few of us ventured out to a random party on wall street. some girl threw up in the elevator and then in the hallway/lobby as her friend was pushing her out saying "text me when you get home." andrew told me it would be a good idea to cut one of my cheeks off, so i sucked in my left cheek for a good portion of the night. i got bored and headed out pretty quickly.

2008-12-08T00:42:00.014-05:00

yay!

2008-12-06T22:35:00.007-05:00

i'm okay,,,,,,,,,,

are you?

2008-12-01T23:05:00.008-05:00

i am past the point of feeling overwhelmed. now i'm just pretending my problems don't exist. i don't know if that's better or worse.

i hear people talking in the other room. i so badly want to be part of their conversation but for some reason, i feel like i can't go in there.

thanksgiving break wasn't long enough.

2008-11-30T18:35:00.012-05:00

i hope one day i will be as cool as all of these women.

2008-11-28T01:23:00.004-05:00

thanksgiving was good. i watched "stop making sense" with my mom and ate turkey for the first time in 6 years. tomorrow i will hopefully be reunited with some more old friends. being here is making it even harder to decide what i am going to do next year.

2008-11-25T22:34:00.003-05:00

i go home tomorrow morning.
i want to see him and i want him to see me and feel upset and i want to feel upset and i want us to feel upset together and talk about it. but really, is there anything more to talk about? i think i'm the only one hung up on this.

it's not a good idea.
considering everything.
but i am not one for being sensible.

2008-11-24T02:34:00.003-05:00

some songs that remind me of the cold times ahead. download it here.

1. el perro del mar - "here comes that feeling"
2. herman dune - "when the water gets cold and freezes on the lake"
3. paul baribeau - "christmas lights"
4. nedelle - "the natural night"
5. julie doiron - "will you still love me in december?"
6. beat happening - "christmas"
7. my brightest diamond - "the robin's jar"
8. one of the boys - "things happen in the winter, pt. 1"
9. pixies - "winterlong"
10. jens lekman - "the cold swedish winter"
11. the microphones - "i want to be cold"
12. the horns of happiness - "white snow"
13. lovers - "frozen floods"
14. saturday looks good to me - "last night i fell asleep on your floor"
15. yeah yeah yeahs - "cold night"
16. pavement - "summer babe (winter version)"
17. final fantasy - "arctic circle"
18. songs: ohia - "peoria lunch box blues"
19. devics - "song for a sleeping girl"
20. the arcade fire - "in the backseat"

2008-11-23T12:28:00.013-05:00

i am holed up in my room. charlotte has some dancers over and i don't want to wander into the living room and scare them away in my disheveled and sleepy state. i would really like a cigarette though. it is so tempting just to light one up in here. very uneventful weekend. i leave for bloomington wednesday morning. i can't wait to go back home, even if just for a little bit. i think i'll be home for all of christmas break as well. hopefully this christmas break will be better than the last.

the photos are old. probably from around fall of my senior year in high school. i just recently scanned them. i thought they'd be appropriate since i am seeing all of these folks very very soon.

2008-11-19T17:07:00.003-05:00

i have the fucking coolest schedule ever for next semester!

monday:

(2:00 - 5:45) directed projects: the portrait

(6:20 - 9:50) film genres: children & other talking animals

tuesday:

(11:00 - 12:15) aesthetic history of photography

(12:30 - 1:45) sex, gender, and the bible

(3:30 - 4:45) film genres: children & other talking animals (rct)

wednesday:

no class

thursday:

(11:00 - 12:15) aesthetic history of photography

(12:30 - 1:45) sex, gender, and the bible

(2:00 - 3:15) sex, gender, and the bible (rct)

friday

no class

2008-11-17T00:28:00.004-05:00

you're gonna charm the world
it's waiting for you

2008-11-15T14:27:00.006-05:00

new james bond movie: too many chase scenes, too little sex scenes. i cleaned up my apartment today and my room actually looks nice for once. it was incredible to see how much dust was collecting under my bed. i think i am going to upload a song with every entry. this one should bring you back to 8th grade.

2008-11-12T01:17:00.004-05:00

i have so many things to look forward to. everything is fine, and i am accepting everything that is not fine for what it is. i am almost done reading "no one belongs here more than you" by miranda july. it makes me want to write short stories that mean something to someone. last night i was laying in bed at 3 in the morning and all i wanted to do was go to my laptop and write. i should have just done it, but i decided it'd be best if i just let myself fall asleep instead. this song makes me happy. i hope you feel the same way too.

2008-11-09T22:50:00.024-05:00

this weekend was nice and eventful. i started my job today at the vintage store. i am the youngest one there, which is a little weird compared to everyone (including my managers) being the same age as me at american apparel. the job is really easy, basically i just stand around and talk to my coworkers and the old people who wander in. school has slowed down a little bit for me, which is nice but i know it'll pick up all of a sudden and i won't know what to do. i want to get a typewriter so i can start writing more letters. hopefully i will find one soon. i wish i had more interesting things to say about my life.

2008-11-05T02:32:00.003-05:00

in the past 3 days i have managed to break a bowl and a plate. i don't know what is up with me lately! i was feeling rather upset last night but i'm feeling a bit better today. i got a call back from the vintage store i had an interview at and i got the job! i start on monday, but i still have no idea what they are paying me. part of me feels that i got tricked into some sort of volunteer job since it's a non-profit vintage store. i really hope this isn't the case. that would just be embarrassing. i really should get some sleep, but for some reason i don't let myself sleep anymore. i have been looking more and more towards first-wave feminist art for inspiration. i used to think there was no more need for feminist art, but i'm re-thinking that these days.

polaroid scans

2008-11-03T23:23:00.017-05:00

i'm going to cut my bangs now.

2008-11-03T00:13:00.000-05:00

i'm working on my postmodernism midterm and i forgot about how much i love this and i want to share this with everyone in the world.

2008-11-02T13:40:00.000-05:00

i just woke up (1:30pm) despite the fact that it's daylight savings and i gained an hour last night. it's nice not having to worry about going to work on the weekends, but work does keep me busy. i really did absolutely nothing yesterday. although, i did go to coco's art show with alexa, which was lovely. it even inspired me to go home and paint with alexa. so, i spent the night inside with alexa and charlotte, and even though we didn't find some crazy party to go to, it was nice just sitting around and talking and trying to find episodes of the L word online.

2008-11-01T13:50:00.001-04:00

last night i went to a halloween party on a rooftop next to webster hall. luckily, it wasn't too cold. the cops came as the party was basically ending so we had to dart out of there pretty quickly. some cell phones were lost, but some stolen alcohol was gained.

2008-11-01T03:59:00.001-04:00

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes.

everything in the world is right.

2008-10-30T00:55:00.000-04:00

lazy tuesday,

2008-10-28T13:10:00.001-04:00

1. missed my 11am class
2. woke up at 12pm to nyu testing out
their goddamn fire alarm system
3. had a smoke by the window with esther
4. now i'm having a different kind of
smoke by the window with esther
5. i don't want to go outside today,
it is cold/rainy
6. i have to write a paper
7. yesterday i broke esther's ash tray so
i need to go find her a new one

2008-10-27T01:36:00.000-04:00

i am totally hopped up on coffee right now and i'm not sure if i'll be able to sleep tonight, which is unfortunate since i have a 9:30am class tomorrow. tomorrow i have a job interview at a vintage store a block away from where i live. i'm hoping the interview goes well and i get the job, because i am no good at job hunting. today, i skipped my last day of work at american apparel, woke up at 1:30pm, went back to bed at 3:30 then woke up at 6:30, and then decided to venture to the upper west side to hang out at alexa's place.

last night i went to see a show at market hotel with martin, which was nice. i think i saw six bands and i didn't get home until 4am. waiting for the train when you're exhausted and dehydrated at 3am is not fun. i've realized i never take my camera with me anywhere anymore. therefore, i have no interesting photographs to post. but, alexa gave me a pretty gnarly tattoo today:

2008-10-24T00:36:00.000-04:00

here are some shots from my most recent photo project

2008-10-21T13:45:00.000-04:00

i accidentally deleted all of my 2008 pictures from my computer the other day. i wish i could post some nice things of what i've been doing lately, but unfortunately all of those things are gone (well i guess they're still on facebook). swamped with work right now, still haven't found a new job, my prints for photo are coming together nicely and soon i'll be starting my final photo project, which is actually more of a video project than anything else.

2008-10-15T23:29:00.001-04:00

i put in my two weeks at american apparel a few days ago. meaning, i need to find a job asap. i sent my resume to two vintage stores i saw were hiring on craigslist. i should really just go out and hand my resume in to some stores soon. i have a lot of school work to do but of course i'm putting it off. guess i won't be sleeping tonight. the past two nights i shot some self portraits i'm pretty happy about. i'm trying to narrow it down to my 10 favourites. so far i've narrowed it down to 50 pictures.

i don't want to be sad today

2008-10-13T19:05:00.001-04:00

today:
spent $92 on groceries
bummed around my apartment
wishing someone was around

y'all don't know me

2008-10-09T14:27:00.000-04:00

hello there,
james and the gang came over to re-shoot some things for his sight and sound the other day.

my week flew by so quickly, i have no idea where it went.