(todd with foster kitten in my room, 2006)

i am broke and i am leaving for chicago tomorrow with karina. i asked my job to send me my paycheck in the same email where i told them i wouldn't be coming back to work until january 18. i'm totally getting fired, oh well.

i've never been really self conscious about this before, but in recent years it has been pointed out that i talk out of the side of my mouth. i always sort of knew i did that, but didn't really see it as a problem (probably cause i don't actually watch myself talk). but the more and more i think about it, the more i think something is wrong with me.

i want to write a letter to everyone i know telling them how i feel. my problem is that i'm hung up on far too many insignificant things. i'm indecisive. i don't let things go. i pretend feelings that aren't there still exist. what am i supposed to do? everyone tells me i'm better off now. without him, living in new york. i think everyone just thinks my life is glamorous or something. maybe they're right, maybe it would be wrong for me to move backwards. maybe all i really want is for an attractive man to wrap me in tin foil in his car. i think that's the answer to my problems.

i'm not like that.

so i'm 75% positive i'm taking a leave of absence from nyu and coming to live in bloomington fall '09 for a semester.

i can't sleep. my thoughts are taking over my brain.

life is hard, man.