i hope one day i will be as cool as all of these women.

thanksgiving was good. i watched "stop making sense" with my mom and ate turkey for the first time in 6 years. tomorrow i will hopefully be reunited with some more old friends. being here is making it even harder to decide what i am going to do next year.

i go home tomorrow morning.

i want to see him and i want him to see me and feel upset and i want to feel upset and i want us to feel upset together and talk about it. but really, is there anything more to talk about? i think i'm the only one hung up on this.

it's not a good idea.

considering everything.

but i am not one for being sensible.

some songs that remind me of the cold times ahead. download it here.


1. el perro del mar - "here comes that feeling"
2. herman dune - "when the water gets cold and freezes on the lake"
3. paul baribeau - "christmas lights"
4. nedelle - "the natural night"
5. julie doiron - "will you still love me in december?"
6. beat happening - "christmas"
7. my brightest diamond - "the robin's jar"
8. one of the boys - "things happen in the winter, pt. 1"
9. pixies - "winterlong"
10. jens lekman - "the cold swedish winter"
11. the microphones - "i want to be cold"
12. the horns of happiness - "white snow"
13. lovers - "frozen floods"
14. saturday looks good to me - "last night i fell asleep on your floor"
15. yeah yeah yeahs - "cold night"
16. pavement - "summer babe (winter version)"
17. final fantasy - "arctic circle"
18. songs: ohia - "peoria lunch box blues"
19. devics - "song for a sleeping girl"
20. the arcade fire - "in the backseat"

i am holed up in my room. charlotte has some dancers over and i don't want to wander into the living room and scare them away in my disheveled and sleepy state. i would really like a cigarette though. it is so tempting just to light one up in here. very uneventful weekend. i leave for bloomington wednesday morning. i can't wait to go back home, even if just for a little bit. i think i'll be home for all of christmas break as well. hopefully this christmas break will be better than the last. 

the photos are old. probably from around fall of my senior year in high school. i just recently scanned them. i thought they'd be appropriate since i am seeing all of these folks very very soon.

i have the fucking coolest schedule ever for next semester!

monday:

(2:00 - 5:45) directed projects: the portrait

(6:20 - 9:50) film genres: children & other talking animals

tuesday: 

(11:00 - 12:15) aesthetic history of photography

(12:30 - 1:45) sex, gender, and the bible

(3:30 - 4:45) film genres: children & other talking animals (rct)

wednesday:

no class

thursday: 

(11:00 - 12:15) aesthetic history of photography

(12:30 - 1:45) sex, gender, and the bible

(2:00 - 3:15) sex, gender, and the bible (rct)

friday

no class

you're gonna charm the world

it's waiting for you

new james bond movie: too many chase scenes, too little sex scenes. i cleaned up my apartment today and my room actually looks nice for once. it was incredible to see how much dust was collecting under my bed. i think i am going to upload a song with every entry. this one should bring you back to 8th grade.

i have so many things to look forward to. everything is fine, and i am accepting everything that is not fine for what it is. i am almost done reading "no one belongs here more than you" by miranda july. it makes me want to write short stories that mean something to someone. last night i was laying in bed at 3 in the morning and all i wanted to do was go to my laptop and write. i should have just done it, but i decided it'd be best if i just let myself fall asleep instead. this song makes me happy. i hope you feel the same way too.

this weekend was nice and eventful. i started my job today at the vintage store. i am the youngest one there, which is a little weird compared to everyone (including my managers) being the same age as me at american apparel. the job is really easy, basically i just stand around and talk to my coworkers and the old people who wander in. school has slowed down a little bit for me, which is nice but i know it'll pick up all of a sudden and i won't know what to do. i want to get a typewriter so i can start writing more letters. hopefully i will find one soon. i wish i had more interesting things to say about my life.

in the past 3 days i have managed to break a bowl and a plate. i don't know what is up with me lately! i was feeling rather upset last night but i'm feeling a bit better today. i got a call back from the vintage store i had an interview at and i got the job! i start on monday, but i still have no idea what they are paying me. part of me feels that i got tricked into some sort of volunteer job since it's a non-profit vintage store. i really hope this isn't the case. that would just be embarrassing. i really should get some sleep, but for some reason i don't let myself sleep anymore. i have been looking more and more towards first-wave feminist art for inspiration. i used to think there was no more need for feminist art, but i'm re-thinking that these days.

polaroid scans

i'm going to cut my bangs now.